Today would be Amara's birthday so I was compelled to dedicate a post to her and her mama in hopes that it would be a comfort & inspiration to other mothers. Benny & Darlene's firstborn daughter, Amara Diane, was stillborn 6 years ago. Darlene found out during an ultrasound and I remember thinking how much worse it was going to be once she met her baby girl face to face, my heart ached. I can't even imagine how much she suffered, but she came through on the other side her usual joyful self. Darlene, YOU are an inspiration & nothing short of my hero!
PS- Thinking of you too Benny, I think we sometimes forget how hard it is for the daddy! I am glad Darlene has you!
{Darlene & Kyran}
This is an excerpt I stole from Darlene's blog (and also the comfort & inspiration part of this post that I mentioned above):
Not sure what to write tonight, I've been feeling a little emotionally raw. Amara's birthday is coming up on the 16th of this month. I stopped by her grave on the way home from Ashley's shower tonight. I noticed someone took her flowers or they got ruined. Who knows?
It's amazing how much I still hurt. Every year I think it'll somehow grow faint or fade a little, but the pain feels just as raw as the day I had her. You know, I still can feel her soft cheeks and smell her. She smelled like lavender (no wonder I don't like that smell anymore) it reminds me of the hospital. I remember how she felt in my arms while I rocked her...hoping that God would perform a miracle and she'd wake up. And the agony I felt having to let her go into the freezer over night. Even though I knew in my head she was gone my heart still ached to see her get so cold. I remember her dark curly hair..it was all matted down from birth (a lil stiff like she had gel in it). I remember just willing her to open her eyes while I dressed her in the pink gown the hospital gave me. But they never opened.
The day of her funeral was so hot...the drive up the gravel road to the cemetery felt like 3 years. I remember wanting to curl up in a ball, but I fed off my anger instead, for the strength to carry her casket to the gravesite. We sang. I just remember refusing to cry in front of all those people. Then we lowered her into the grave. It was so final. I had them write "In His time He makes all things beautiful" on her grave because I just knew that He'd make my life beautiful again, and someday I'd look back and see "good" from it. But every year I wonder ...
Still grieving but with Hope,
~Dar